11/8/23 - 2015: The 5 Best Languages to Speak at Work

Martha: This episode of iWork4Him is brought to you by SaferNet, online at SaferNet. com.

Jim: You've tuned in to iWork4Him, the voice of collaboration for the faith and work movement.

Martha: We are your hosts, Jim and Martha Brangenberg, and our mission is to transform the workplace of every Christian into a mission field.

What does that look like in your world? Let's find out right now.

Jim: Jesus told us in Luke 10:27 that we are to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself. So who are our neighbors? That's really a great question. In fact, somebody asked Jesus that question.

Today, we're going to focus on a super powerful tool for the workplace. A tool that can be used to make any size company or organization radically successful because it places value on the people. Is it a tool of love or a tool of appreciation? We'll let you figure that one out. Dr. Paul White has written many great books that we've highlighted on this show in the past, such as Rising Above the Toxic Workplace, The Vibrant Workplace, and The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.

And today we're focusing on The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace once again. Dr. Paul White, welcome back to iWork4Him.

Dr. Paul White: Thank you, Jim and Martha. I'm glad to be here.

Jim: So, Dr. White, are our employees our neighbors?

Dr. Paul White: Well according to the context from the passages in Luke I would say so. There are people that are in our daily contact that have needs that we have the ability to, to touch and serve.

Martha: Hmm. So good. You know, and I just want to take a moment and pause on that because we need to really believe that and to really think about it, Jim, and to think about. You know, you are my closest co worker, and yes, you're my husband, but you're also my neighbor in that context, and, and as we think about that when we're around people every day, this conversation is going to make a whole lot more sense.

So, Dr. White, you took the five love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, and you partnered with him to write the five languages of appreciation in the workplace. Why did you think that that was so necessary?

Dr. Paul White: Well, it came out of an experience that I had working with a family owned business in North Carolina, and we were doing a business succession plan.

And I asked the dad how the plan was going, and he said, I think it's going well. My son's stepping up. I think, you know, it'll work. I walk across the hall and ask the son the same question. And he said, this is a disaster. It's never going to work. I can't ever please my dad. And which I could relate to. I grew up in a family owned business. It was very, very tough.

And I thought, you know, they're missing each other. And I thought, I wonder if, you know, the five languages could work in workplace relationships. So I pursued Dr. Chapman, and he agreed. And so we took it from there.

Jim: Okay. But you changed it from love languages to languages of appreciation. Is that just because we're talking about work? I mean, isn't it okay to talk about loving our employees?

Dr. Paul White: Well, you know, most of the companies and people that use our materials are not followers of Christ. And to talk about love in the workplace is weird to them, to be honest, and it creates this sort of, you know, back off kind of reaction.

And so we felt, because from the get go, we wanted to design this in a way that could be used in any workplace, government, schools, military, and all that. And so, we chose not to write it from an overtly Christian perspective. Obviously christian principles, but we felt like, you know, appreciation is probably the best substitute term and concept in the workplace. And so that's the direction we went.

Jim: I mean, it totally works. Just saying, imagine I'm just riding you a little bit, but it totally works. And I get the context because. You're right. Love tends to.. People are like love? I don't love my employees. Oh, I can appreciate them though. That makes sense to me. And it really, it's powerful.

All right. Sorry, Martha, jumped in there with that one.

Martha: No, that's okay. And I think we all know the world has hijacked some words and distorted them so much that it's hard to find the true meaning that we're trying to talk about but I love the fact that biblical principles work on everyone whether they know where they're coming from. We know it's a foundation for all of this work and it's so beautiful. So what is the principal message of the five languages of appreciation in the workplace?

Dr. Paul White: Well, I would say it's a combination of messages. One is that Employees and co workers are people, that employees and people at work aren't just producers. They're not production units. It's not just about the output, that we have lives outside of work, we have personal characteristics that we display at work that aren't related to productivity, and that we all have value as people beyond productivity and that not everybody feels valued and appreciated in the same way.

Yeah, the goal is to help people learn how to communicate appreciation to their colleagues in ways that are meaningful to the recipient versus doing things that don't really impact them. So you're not wasting time and energy.

Jim: People are complicated. So this is a concept that, you know, it takes, it takes a little bit of time to learn because people are complicated, but appreciation seems like that's not so complicated to let people know you appreciate them.

When managers and employees and even upper management, you know, the C suite people, when they start to understand these five languages of appreciation in the workplace, what kind of light bulbs start going on in their corporate minds?

Dr. Paul White: Well, you know, I don't think it's so much about when they understand it, but when they see the results, because what's fascinating is we all would like somebody else to value us and what we do.

Yeah, we have to motivate ourselves, but it's nice to know someone else does. And when that happens, things start to work well. I use the image of sort of like oil in a, in an engine that without oil in the engine, the parts, you know, have friction, they stick, there's heat, there's sparks, and it just doesn't work well.

And I think appreciation is like that in a company, that it creates space and a fluidity for the team members to work together well, and what happens is the leadership starts to see the positive things come about within the company as far as greater productivity, more cooperation and lots of kinds of things that research has demonstrated.

Martha: So, talk about the effect on the employee. So in most cases, we want to focus on the top two languages probably that people really respond well to when they take the quiz and we, of course, should probably talk about that. But when, when a manager knows what those top languages are and starts to use them in their communication with the employee, what happens for the employee?

Dr. Paul White: Well, first, one of the things that we found in work that's different than personal relationships is just knowing the language or the top two languages really isn't sufficient. We found that you need to know the specific actions because there's different ways to spend quality time. And in the workplace, you can write a note or you can, you know, announce it in front of the group.

And some people like some and others don't. When you get both the language and the action right, It's sort of like, you know, pushing a button that turns a thing on and all of a sudden you see the lights go and it's whizzing and it really motivates and affirms people.

And one of the things that happens is they just, especially over time, they just sort of relax and become less irritable, less chippy, less reactive, because they have a sense that you value them, and little things that otherwise might, you know, offend them, they sort of let slide. And so there's just really sort of a peace that starts to happen and the whole workplace becomes more positive and healthy in its way it's communicated.

Martha: Well, and that's what I was just wondering, what then are you seeing as the overall impact to the culture of the organization?

Dr. Paul White: Yeah, well, there's a lot and in the second chapter of our book, in fact, we just rewrote it and it'll be coming out here pretty quickly, you know this, beginning next year.

You know, increase productivity, people get stuff done, less turnover so you don't have to have empty spaces, people show up on time, there's more cooperation, there's less on the job accidents reported, there's less employee theft, customer service ratings go up because you're dealing with somebody who's a little more engaged and cheerful.

And so a lot of positive things, it's sort of like you're, you're seeing, if we want to again use the machine image, it's working, it's doing what it's supposed to, versus having to deal with side issues of people being upset about what parking space they have or what size their monitor is or those kinds of things

Jim: So I would say it's safe to say that the industrial revolution was not started based on the premise of loving or appreciating our employees. Many big businesses, many big business people needed workers, and many workers needed jobs, so they fulfilled one another's expectations, but very few of those workers felt loved or appreciated, at least not noted in the history books.

The Five Languages of Appreciation written by Dr. Paul White and Dr. Gary Chapman highlights the necessity of tailoring your interaction with those you work with according to how they receive appreciation at work. Did you even know that 40 percent of those you work with prefer words of affirmation as the primary form of appreciation?

The other, the other languages of appreciation are quality time, acts of service, tangible gifts, and appropriate physical touch. Each of these has a detailed description within the book and on the website appreciation at work. com Appreciation at work. com. I recommend

 I got two questions that I didn't tell you I was gonna ask but i'm gonna ask em anyway. Does this work in a manufacturing environment, a corporate environment, a non profit environment? Does it work in all different kinds of environments, or does it only work in white collar corporate world?

Dr. Paul White: You know well, we're being used worldwide in at least five countries by Caterpillar. We're used by financial firms, banks, every branch of the military, World Vision, Salvation Army, a number of Christian schools, public schools. We haven't found a place and actually even what is it? The National Security Agency, whoever the border patrol people are.

Jim: Don't tell them, don't tell them. They might, we don't want, we don't want to talk about it.

 (laughter)

Dr. Paul White: You know, we haven't found a place yet. I mean, in, in prisons and courtrooms all over the place. It's really about understanding and teaching people, not just leaders. One of the things we've found, it's really across colleagues, how to show appreciation in the ways that are meaningful.

And one of the cool things is it's, it's not that hard to learn or remember or implement. At first, I was sort of embarrassed about how simple things are, but that's really been a saving grace where most people don't have a lot of time and mental energy to you know, learn new stuff. And so it's easy to implement and that's really been fun to watch.

Jim: And we're going to talk about that in a second, but let me just ask a simple question. Okay. Let's just say any organization listening today, whether it's a small business or a large business or some kind of organization in between, if they actually start communicating appreciation to their employees, does it impact the bottom line? I mean, is profitability impacted here?

Dr. Paul White: Yeah, absolutely. There's one very cool study that shows that it does. They compared two similar companies, one that had implemented appreciation concepts, one that didn't. Everything else was the same. 22 percent more profitability. It's so much so that both in the EU and now the Securities and Exchange Commission are starting to require that publicly traded companies post what they're doing around caring for their employees because they're seeing from an investor point of view. It's better to invest in a company that takes care of their employees than those that don't. So yeah, it does for sure.

Jim: Wow. That is huge. That's an insider trading tip here. You heard right here on iWork4Him.

Martha: So, you know, here at iWork4Him, we're always looking for tools that can help the Christian business owner or the leader to be more effective in leading their people and perpetuating the organization's mission, because that's a really key to the next generation. So the five languages of appreciation can help every leader to show appreciation appropriately to the different employees, which helps them to feel valued like you talked about. So how easy is it for implementation of this within an organization?

Dr. Paul White: It seems to be easy because it keeps growing across hundreds and thousands and across, it's used in 60 countries. Our focus is in 25 languages, our assessments in 9, so it seems to be cross cultural as well, and I think a key is one of the things that we always do is we don't encourage just to do a top down implementation, everybody's got to do this, because that undermines the perceived authenticity just from the get go.

So we like to teach people the overarching concepts, but then sort of start with a pilot group or two, and work with them and have them implement it. And there's always little tweaks that we can do to make it better for their culture and their structure. And then what happens is it sort of creates a positive peer pressure where some of their colleagues in a different department say, Hey, how can you guys get to do this and we don't? And then it just goes virally across the organization.

Jim: You mentioned an assessment. How does this assessment fit into the process?

Dr. Paul White: Yeah, it's called the Motivating by Appreciation Inventory. We call it the MBA Inventory. And with the book, there's a free code to take our basic assessment. But we've created expanded versions for different industries.

Schools, government workers, medical, veterinarians, military, all different kinds of settings. And it essentially is an individual assessment, takes about 15 to 20 minutes to take online, creates an individual report for each person. We can also create a group summary report. So a team finds out how everybody likes to show appreciation or be shown appreciation and it provides sort of the the ground rules of, okay, this is what they like. And actually in our expanded version, we have people share what they don't want so that you don't sort of accidentally make a mistake and create some offense.

Jim: So how does your team help with this whole effort in getting this accomplished, getting this orchestrated within an organization? And does it matter what size the organization is? So we have a lot of people that run small businesses that listen to iWork4Him. Can, does it work with a small business as well as a big one?

Dr. Paul White: Yeah, I think you need two people. I mean, one might be tough, but

Jim: Jim, you're doing a great job today. Thanks so much, Jim. Really appreciate it, Jim.

Dr. Paul White: So a small, a small organization for sure. And that's how we started out and have inner city ministries and schools and churches. And then it grows to any size, really. And that's one of the other cool things is we really tried to design it to be a low cost in comparison to a lot of career and work based assessments.

So that, I mean, I mean, we're working with companies that have tens of thousands of employees. And over time, as we sort of launch it across the frontline workers can take the assessment. And they really enjoy that. It's not just for management and executives.

Martha: You know, I think that's one of the things that, and I know you probably want to follow up on that, but what I love about this whole concept of the five languages of appreciation in the workplace is that we all love to learn more about ourselves.

I don't know anybody that doesn't love to be like, you know, do an assessment that goes, Oh, that is like, how does that know like that resonates with me? That's really who I am. And then if you're working with somebody who starts to understand you more because of that, it's just a beautiful, natural thing.

It doesn't feel like another program. It's just understanding each other, you know, which I think is so much easier to apply, I would guess, in most workplaces. I know, Jim, we had a business where we had several employees and we had on their name plates, we had their top languages so that when we went to meet with them, we could remember that, you know, until it became natural and that was so helpful, but it was natural. It didn't feel forced because it was just part of who they were.

Jim: Paul, what do you think is the biggest obstacle to an organizational leader to keep from implementing this? Why wouldn't they do this? I mean, you know, what keeps people from doing it?

Dr. Paul White: I think it's misconceptions and misunderstandings. We've identified four major misconceptions organizational leaders have.

First, they think authentic appreciation is the same as employee recognition. They overlap some, but they're clearly not the same, you know, recognition sort of top down organizational. Appreciation really is person to person. Second one is that appreciation when in our culture, we hear appreciation, we mainly think it's words.

So you say thanks, you give a compliment, but you know, similar to what you cited before, over half of all employees have a different language than words. So if you'll only use words, you're missing a majority of your team members. Third misconception is that the goal is to make people feel happy. And yes, we want that to happen.

We want to feel good, but it's beyond that. It's that we want the organization to function well and effectively. And it's a both /and. And then the last misconception that some leaders, you know, sort of push against is they got enough to do. They think that it's all on them. And one of the things we've learned is it's not just managers and supervisors who communicate, but it works best when colleagues show one another.

So, once we get past those misconceptions it really flows pretty well.

Jim: You know, the five languages of appreciation by Dr. Paul White along with Dr. Gary Chapman highlights the necessity of tailoring your interaction with those you work with according to how they receive appreciation at work. When you appreciate those who report to you daily, you will see not only that their attitude will improve, but their work product will improve as well.

The overall profitability of your company will improve. This is practically a guarantee. I'm sure he doesn't put it in writing, but it's practically a guarantee. When people feel appreciated, everyone benefits. It's the customers. The employees, the management, the vendors, everybody, it rolls down from the CEO to the customers of vendors.

It's awesome. So an old piece of advice comes back to benefit us again. Love God, love people. It's simple enough. Will you implement this today in your organization? I recommend that you check out the five languages of appreciation online at appreciation at work. com appreciation at work. com.

Martha: So I, Love that.

Number one, I just want to point out to the people that are listening, if they get the book, then they get that first, you know, opportunity to see the assessment and take it for themselves. And you're going to be hooked. So anybody who's like wanting to know, like, okay, what is the first steps? Go do that. Go to appreciationatwork. com and get yourself a copy of the book because that will be the beginning of the journey after having this conversation.

So Dr. White, you have helped thousands of organizations nationwide put the five languages of appreciation in the workplace into practice. Who do you have with you today that can testify to this power in making businesses and organizations great?

Dr. Paul White: Well, I'm really pleased and excited to have Becky Staal join us today. Becky's a good friend and been a colleague for, I was trying to look back at, seven or eight years. She's been using our materials largely with nonprofits and ministries, but also expanded into businesses in the upper Midwest. And she is just a delightful support and and I really value her support a lot. When I'm discouraged, I ping Becky and she cheers me up.

Jim: That's a good relationship.

Martha: That's so good. So Becky Staal, thank you so much for being here with us today. What kind of work does God have you doing?

Becky Staal: Well, it is great to be here. Thanks so much. And I am currently working on my church staff where my husband and I worship and attend. But I'm also a trainer and facilitator for appreciation at work and actually, I've been doing that for 10 years. I know time goes really fast, Paul, when we think about it. I began my work actually in the corporate world and then the call to ministry came and I've been doing ministry work with non profits and church staffs for the past 20 some years.

Jim: So so what about the five languages of appreciation at work touches you? As you are a professional and enables you to do your job more effectively. What is it? What's the? When you first saw it 10 years ago, and you're like, Oh, oh, this is good. What was it about that? What was it that turned the light bulb on for you?

Becky Staal: So I think what turned the light bulb on for me was when I read the book and I took the inventory back then, and that was in 2012. What I realized was I was doing appreciation and encouragement with my co workers out of my primary language, which is words of affirmation, and I was missing all the other people with quality time, acts of service, and gifts, and so for me, it was a huge eye opener in that community.

Most of us give appreciation and encouragement out of the way we want to receive it. And so that's exactly what I was doing. And I realized as a words person that I was really just missing those people on, which is other half, you know, you gave the statistic earlier of. Yeah, over 40 percent of the people have words of affirmation, but all the rest of those people on my team that I was missing them.

So the other thing that I was really drawn to, and I think that I loved was the fact that it really looks at the individual. You're really looking at people as people, and it's not what is a one size fits all and that's really how I was doing my leadership at the time I would send an email with words of affirmation for everybody and I would check the box and the appreciation language really opened my eyes, and it actually helped me grow as a leader. Because I realized I needed to grow in those other areas so that I wouldn't miss people on the teams where I, where I work.

Martha: So you said that you've been using it for over 10 years. What is it about it that keeps this tool fresh and applicable every day?

Becky Staal: Well, I think as, as believers and as Christians, we're called, it's foundational to love others. I mean, we're called to do that. And I feel like even though we don't call it the love languages in the, in the workplace, it really is.

It's like, how can we encourage and appreciate others individually and look at them as people? And, you know, you hear a lot about the differences and diversity and all of those things in the workplace. And I love it because I feel like it really gets down to looking at people individually. Quality time might look different for somebody who is new to the workplace or somebody that's been in the workplace for a lot of years.

I see it as such a multi generational tool. I love that. When I read the book back in 2012, I remember thinking to myself, this is never not going to be applicable because we're always going to be called to love others. And your work teams change, people come and people go, so you're always going to be having to learn about the others that you work with.

So, to me, it stays fresh and applicable because it's, it's about individuals and it's about the people.

Jim: So that's why God created people. God created people to be loved and he created people to respond to love. So talk to us about, in your experience as you've worked with multiple types of organizations, how have, give us one example of how you've seen the five languages of appreciation in the workplace applied and implemented with an organization. And what happened?

Becky Staal: So I have a favorite story and i'll tell you that story and this is one of my favorites because I received a call a few months after the training with the team. And the leader the leader called and said one of our action items was to make sure everybody who came on to our team and in our organization would take the inventory as part of the onboarding process, so right away, we would know how to appreciate and encourage somebody from the get go.

So, this leader was sitting down with this new team member to go over the results and just get to know this new team member. The new team member happened to get pretty choked up and said, you know, of all the places that I've worked, I really never felt like people knew who I was and really valued me for who I was and for me to come to this organization and the first thing that you want to know is how to encourage and appreciate me.

She was overwhelmed and choked up in a very positive way. Well, the leader went on to say to me, she said, you know, Becky, we had a pretty positive workplace culture and I just wanted to take it up a notch. That's why we were doing the training. I wanted to have a continuous improvement goal, if you will.

And she said, you know. I'm pretty burned out in my role as a leader. I've been doing this job for a long time. And she said, when our team sat around and learned that appreciation and encouragement was for everyone to do, and that it wasn't just about me as the leader doing that, it was almost like the team was like oh, wow. We could encourage and appreciate her.

It doesn't always flow down the organization. It can flow up the organization. And she said, you know, Becky, she said, my team realized I'm a person, too, and they could encourage and appreciate me. And she said, it's changed everything for me. I'm re energized in my job.

I love that story. That's one of the best phone calls I ever received because it talks about somebody brand new in the organization and then somebody who was affected by it, who was kind of burnt out in in their leadership role at the top level. So that's that's how I see it working. And I see it working like that all the time.

There's so many aha moments for people when they're sitting around the table and talking about this material.

Martha: That is so good. And I hope that as our listeners are hearing that they can see how it might work for them in their organization, no matter where they find themselves within the company. So kind of a leading question.

I pretty much know the answer, but you know, we love this whole concept of the five languages of appreciation at work. Can you think of a single organization or place where anybody, any reason why a company would not want to participate in the five languages of appreciation at work?

Becky Staal: You know, I was thinking back especially since it's been 10 years, of all the types of organizations that I've had the joy and fun of working with and every time they always want me to know all about their organization before I come there.

And when I realized the beauty of it is it's just about people no matter where I go. It's just about the people and whether I'm, I'm working with the hair salon or a dental office, a large pharmaceutical company, food service industry, a nonprofit, a school, landscape management company, all these kinds of businesses, it really comes down to this.

No matter where you work, people want to know that they're valued and appreciated for who they are, not just the work that they produce and the appreciation languages is just exactly that tool to do that for, for organizations and for leaders and for coworkers. I mean, anyone can use it. I think that's it.

That's pretty much the most wonderful thing about it is everyone gets to be involved. It's not just that leaders get to know this and I that's what I love about it.

Jim: Sounds like you have the greatest job on the planet!

Becky Staal: I do. I love this and I remember from 2012 when I first read the book and did the inventory I was like this is never going to grow old, and I threw my name in the hat to be a facilitator, and Dr. White and I connected.

I think I was one of the very first facilitators, and I enjoy it very much, and I get to meet all kinds of fascinating people, all kinds of different work out there. And people are just people, and they want to know that they're valued and appreciated, and it changes everything when people sit around tables, or I've done lots of virtual training since the pandemic.

I never wanted to be a virtual trainer, but I want to bring people around this material, and so whether we're doing a training virtually or in person, it never gets old talking about how to encourage other people.

Jim: Absolutely. Wow. What a great story. Becky Staal, thanks for being with us on iWork4Him.

Dr. White, did you ever imagine your pursuit of Dr. Gary Chapman to take the five love languages and turn it into the five languages of appreciation in the workplace, that it would impact one person like Becky and now tens of thousands, in fact, probably hundreds of thousands around the globe? Did you ever imagine that impact?

Dr. Paul White: No. I mean, there was sort of a vague hope that this could make a difference in workplaces. But I didn't know. I knew the five love languages as a concept you know, is impactful and works in personal relationships, and I thought, maybe it will, and let's give it a go. So, I'm so thankful for just the, the blessing that God has given on the works of our hands and and the opportunity to bless other people because it is cool to see the changes, even during the training of sort of relationships and tension going away. So I'm really thankful for the opportunity.

Martha: Well, so we want to make sure that people know the best way to contact you, to ask questions, to get started. What is the best way for them any of our listeners to connect with you to take a next step?

Dr. Paul White: Yeah, sort of the starting point is at our website appreciation at work and it's the word at not the at sign but appreciation at work. com and there's information about the book, about training, because we have a training course that people that are HR professionals or pther kinds of learning development people can go through. The assessments. You can buy assessments for your team, but not everybody has to read the book. We have audio books and all that, as well as other things.

But that's, that's the starting point. And if you have any questions, there's an email. It's just admin at appreciation at work. com and, and our team will help you out.

Jim: Dr. Paul White, thank you.

Martha: Excellent. And we'll make sure all of that is in the show notes, so that if anybody didn't get that, you're driving or whatever, we'll make sure it's there for you.

But before we go today, I just want to tell each of our listeners how much we appreciate you. Your support and encouragement for the past 10 years keeps us going. Those that have supported us financially at iWork4Him ultimately help unlock God's purpose for others in their work. So a huge thank you to each and every one of you whose language is, you know Words of affirmation.

Jim: That's exactly right Come see us in missouri. We'll give you a hug.

Martha: There's a lot of other things we can do. So if it's gifts, we have a bumper sticker we can send you I mean we could go on and on but if we if you would like to help us with this mission Just go to iWork4Him. com forward slash donate and for any size donation. We will send you a copy of one of our books iWork4Him, sheWorks4Him or iRetire4Him. Thank you for making a difference!

Jim: Check us out online at iWork4Him. com or on facebook twitter instagram youtube rumble truth social or telegram Just search for I work the number for him You've been listening to iWork4Him with your host jim and martha brangenberg.

We're christ followers our workplace It's our mission field, but ultimately iWork4Him!

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Did you know that God has a calling on your life? It's true. He's called you to bring Jesus to the world. For some that may look like a pulpit or a foreign mission field, but for most of us, it looks like a construction site, a cubicle, a hospital, or a classroom. Wherever it is that you work, live, volunteer, and invest. That is your mission field. To learn more about integrating your faith into your work in retirement, check out our books: iWork4Him, sheWorks4Him, and iRetire4Him by going to iWork4Him.com.

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