iRetire4Him Show 70: Questions to Ask Before and During Retirement, Part 2

Intro: While retirement is generally seen as a time of relaxation and self focus, God calls us to love, serve and help others for a lifetime. He has been preparing us for this retirement season, literally our entire lives. In retirement, countless Christians enter a state of spiritual dormancy, not knowing how they are called to have an impact for God's kingdom.

The Retirement Reformation seeks to encourage and empower the 50 million Christians approaching or in retirement to embrace the calling God has been preparing in them. When the world says it's time to stop, you can begin to have your greatest impact. Welcome to iRetire4Him, the mouthpiece of the Retirement Reformation, where our goal is to journey from retirement to reformation so you can say, iRetire4Him!

Jim: Reaching out to the 50 million Christ followers in America who are approaching or already in retirement. You've tuned into, iRetire4Him the mouthpiece of the Retirement Reformation. I'm your host, Jim Brangenberg. And of course I'm joined by the founder of the Retirement Reformation, Bruce Bruinsma.

Check us out online retirementreformation.org, that's retirementreformation.org. Out there on the website lots of fantastic resources for you. To buy, to read to access but also to be able to access past podcasts that we've recorded as this is number 70. So you got lots of different topics we've covered about retirement and prepping for retirement. We encourage you to, to check out our archives.

Retirement, the process of prepping for and entering into retirement. It's daunting to say the least. So many possibilities and so many ways to get it all. As we've said so many times in this podcast, many retirement retirees know what they're retiring from, but few, very few know what they're retiring to.

We're trying to help with that. How can you make sure you're prepared for what's ahead? Bruce Bruinsma here to help to lend some advice as we continue our three part series: questions for prepping for retirement. Today, we're gonna focus on six questions we must answer in order to be prepared for the choices we have ahead of us in our retirement. Bruce, welcome back to iRetire4Him.

Bruce: One of the things that's that I learned a, a number of years ago from one of my, one of my really special mentors. Well, all mentors are special, but this particular one, cause he said, he asked me a question. He said, Bruce, who controls the conversation? Is it the person who's asking the question?

Or is it the person who is speaking and pontificating and answer. And I had to think about that for a minute. And I realized that it was the question asker that really controls the conversation. And that is what was, was part of the driving force of always saying, you know, what are the questions that we need to ask for? And, then the answers that we need to come up with. But it's the questions that will then give us the direction of where we're gonna go.

Jim: You just gave away all of my secrets that now people understand I'm a control freak, because as the interviewer I always get to ask the questions. So I take you wherever I want you to go, Bruce. Sorry. Okay, Bruce, in our retirement, we have choices. We have to make serious choices. Our ability to decide ahead of time, which way these choices will lean should help us be prepared. Right?

Bruce: Absolutely.

Jim: So what's the first choice question we need to ask?

Bruce: One. It is, it's both a choice and an understanding that circumstances will change your relationships. And so the first, the first question we have, how are you going to relate to your spouse or to your partner? And we can expand that to others also, but let's just leave it with spouse or partner, right at the moment. How are you going to relate to them given the change in the circumstances? From that career and maybe a year or two of nothing, and then realizing that there needs to be meaning and purpose.

And the relationship between you and your spouse will have changed. The circumstance will have changed. Therefore the dialogue perhaps needs to change. Also, how are you going to relate to them? You know, what's the story of the woman whose husband you know, finished his career. And he came home and he was home for about the first six months.

And he asked her, he said you know, what do you think I oughta do? She said anything that will get you out of the house. Our circumstance changes. And therefore our conversations change. And so the priorities that we have, the language that we use, the choices that we make for topic when we talk and when we don't. For example, Judy and I - our best conversations are when we're, we're out for a meal, could be at Denny's or could be at Ruth Chris, but wherever it is...

Jim: Well, you talk about the spectrum there. Denny's and Ruth Chris. Okay.

Bruce: That's a big picture, but in, in fact, we know that we need to continue to, to stay connected. We need to speak with each other and the conversations we're having now versus the conversations we had 15, 20, 30 years ago are totally different. And to be aware that that's true. Also that, you know, we're all also, you know, we're also very basically selfish.

And so we want to talk about ourselves, yet in a relationship it's asking the questions and listening carefully, which will build the relationship. So, how am I gonna relate to my spouse, my partner given the new set of circumstances is the first question.

Jim: Yeah. And it's a good one because you've committed to your spouse and that's really, we're assuming that you're, that you still get to be married into your retirement. It's very, very important. All right. So one thing for sure is that when we get to retirement, we're gonna have tons of available time. What is a good question to ask with regard to our time?

Bruce: Well, I just start with a real simple one. So what am I gonna do? Or what are you gonna do? Or what are we going to do? It's a very simple question, but man, it has complexities all around it. It has, because we know that 85% of Christ followers, when we ask them, what are you going to do in retirement? They come up with the answer of some version of nothing. You're going to do nothing. You don't need a plan. You don't need direction, you don't need anything.

You're going to do nothing. And so if that is the answer, then the problems that will arise because of that decision will be huge. And so what are we gonna do is the question. So, you know, maybe it is for the next six months. We're gonna, you know, buy a coach and we're gonna travel around the country. That's fine. My next question to you, if that's your answer, is while you're doing that, what are you going to do?

Jim: Yeah. What are, yeah, well, what are you gonna do? But then what are you gonna do then you have to ask that next question. If we know what we're gonna do, then we have to decide what?

Bruce: Where are you gonna do it? Is that gonna be around the country? Is that gonna be in our backyard? Is that gonna be around the world? And while we're doing that, is there anything that God can call us to, will call us to do, to begin to find, or be a part of a ministry that is, that can evolve out of that nothingness or the decisions of what we're gonna do and where we're gonna do it?

For example, if, if where I'm going to do it is going to be in Africa, there's a lot of ministry opportunities in Africa. While in fact we're discovering the beauties of Mount Kilimanjaro, while we're discovering the wonderful variety of the animals that God created, there is ministry for us to do so you can start to move from nothing to meaning even while you're answering those questions.

All right. So our first three question. As we look at the choices we need to make are how are you gonna relate to your spouse or partner? What are you gonna do with your time? And where are you gonna do it? When we come back in the third segment, we're gonna ask the second three questions as we look at the choices we need to make in retirement, but we're preparing for retirement. The questions we need to ask in order to prepare. This is a checklist. This is something you need to work through, and don't wait till the day before you retire to ask these questions.

You're listening to iRetire4Him, the mouthpiece of the Retirement Reformation, online at retirementreformation.org. We invite you to check it out online and we'll be right back.

Break: Membership has its privileges and with the Retirement Reformation, it's true. We have three levels of membership to access our growing wealth of resources. We also provide discipleship and training to bring the Retirement Reformation alive in your life. So join us, go to retirementreformation.org, and click on the membership tab.

Choose the level of membership that will help you rethink, retool, reframe and reform your retirement today. The basic level is free, so you can get started today. Take the journey from retirement to reformation so you can say, iRetire4Him. RetirementReformation.org. Let's get back to more. iRetire4Him.

Jim: Hey, welcome back to iRetire4Him. The mouthpiece of the Retirement Reformation. Bruce, every second segment of every show, you always bring on a special guest that just shares a little bit of the heart of what God's got going on in their lives. Who do you have for us today?

Bruce: Oh, I've got a special guest. Matter of fact, he was so kind. He's on vacation with his family. And so he is joining us from from that vacation spot. So, John Decker, welcome and thank you for taking the time to to join with us.

John Decker: Thanks, Bruce and Jim, I enjoy being on with you today.

Bruce: That's very good. So let's just start with the basics. So give us a little bit of an executive history of John Decker and a little bit of the pathway that God has used to bring you to the point where you are now.

John Decker: Yeah, well, I think, you know, everyone can relate to the first days they went to college. And you know, I grew up as a you know, kind of in a Norman Rockwell situation, but not a believer.

You know, all things were good, but you know, by the time I was in college, the Vietnam war was going on and a lot of things. In fact, I went to Woodstock and a few weeks later I was in college. So my start to college you know, I was going in as a pre-med major. Some of the RA led us to the wrong people on the first night.

And it actually, the people that I met steered me in a path that really messed up my academic career. And it's, it's really too bad. If someone had told me about Jesus, cuz I didn't know the gospel, hadn't really heard what Jesus - who he is and what he has to do. Then my life would've been changed entirely.

But halfway through college I did become a believer and I remember the moment I received Christ and thought this is amazing. Nobody knows, you know, you can live forever. You can know God. You're set free. You're forgiven. Nobody knows this. We gotta start telling people cuz no one in my circle knew that Jesus was alive.

So we all told a lot of people. People came to Christ and that was a great start. But when I noticed, when we raised our own teenagers and then going to a Christian school, none of them really had that same fire and automatic desire to reach out to others for Christ. We just kinda live in the Christian bubble and be happy. So that was kind of what set things up and then I can go on from there.

Bruce: Yeah. So what was, what was that career between college and, you know, the teenage years of your kids? What about that 15 year period? What thought had doing, how did he prepare you?

John Decker: So, I worked for Lockheed Martin and I was in business development. We ended up having three kids. Now, I've got eight grandkids, which was great, but I was doing business development for around 17 years there. And then I did another 10 years with film broadband and fiber optics. But it was during that time that we noticed this dichotomy where the, the kids in our church, as I said, they didn't have that same automatic fire to bring someone to the Lord.

But also, you know, your listeners may remember the first days when they were on a college campus or they remember their kids or even their grandkids. And what was it like? You know, those first days are a time that really sets you up for the people that you're gonna walk with and be with. All the studies show that and we experience it.

So my wife and I began - launched an intervarsity fellowship at, at Syracuse university. And we noticed, yeah, the Christian kids were just hitting the scene. They planned to continue in the faith, but so many things happened and the people that they met, it just, it just drew them away. And it was such a shame.

And we also noticed that the nine believers were so hungry for something new. So we said, how can we bring these two forces together? The lostness and the waywardness of the Christians when they hit college, but also the super incredible opportunity.

Bruce: If I'm drawing out the threads of what I'm hearing you say, that there was a time with your own kids where you, you realized that that was true. But now you're in your retirement years for pity's sakes. When, when, how long ago did you retire and, and what, what do you do? Why are you doing this now?

John Decker: Well, I haven't actually retired because you know, who wants to stop serving the Lord? So, you know, for the last 12 years I've been chasing this idea that how can we make it different in America and really help all these kids when they land on a campus and help them take this wonderful opportunity of leading others to faith?

You know, the harvest is, is a bunch but the laborers have been too few. And we're losing all these laborers. So I decided rather than retire and sit back, I wanted to do something. So now I've been part of, one of the leadership and founding of a nonprofit called EveryStudentSent.org to make this happen. So that's been, that's been our exciting life now working. Gonna continue as long as we can.

Bruce: So I hear a thread that, you know, started with your kids and it continues on through. And so that that even during these retirement years nothing is not appealing and finding meaning and purpose. I sense a passion in you for this issue that God has planted for a long time. Can you describe that passion a little bit?

John Decker: Yes. I think the passion was... really comes to the point when I was first a believer and we saw that it was so easy in a sense to take that, that excitement and so on to transfer to someone else and see new people come to faith. And to us and, and all of our friends, that was what life was all about.

And the fact that the passion to, to, instead of seeing students go off to a life that they walk away from faith, that there's actually, there's this what we call the sweet spot those first few weeks on the college campus, if students are connected and prepared. And we've actually seen dorm revivals happen, where when one student shares with another, and it becomes like an explosion.

You know, we wanna change America, we need more laborers, but on a, on a person to person, you know, if you think about your own kids and grandkids and, and, and your own church and those around, by simply making this connection and having kids go to college with a team of friends they already know and, and be connected up with ministries that are there in advance so they land in college with a team and a mission, the outcomes are so tremendously different and it's actually so simple to make it happen.

Jim: You know, I, I gotta just jump in here. You know, John, you're a quote unquote, retired age guy, but you're not retired.

John Decker: Right.

Jim: And you're on a show speaking to retirees as we talk to them and encourage them to reform their idea beyond retirement - why? Why are you on this show? What do you have to say to this audience that you wanna make sure we got to share today?

John Decker: Yes. What I wanna share is I wanna see the kingdom of God grow and I totally believe what the Retirement Reformation says that this can be the most fruitful years of your life. And we have discovered this leverage point where by just letting people know, let's say, let, like what if retirees let their pastor know that Every Student Sent exists? They could see a whole generation of, of students in their church be connected and thriving rather than falling away. It's essentially that simple.

Jim: But don't you have a don't you have a purpose for retirees though, as well? Don't you have a need for retirees to get involved with Every Student Sent?

John Decker: Very much so because a lot of the way this grows is organically letting people in a given city know about this, this website and this program and this process. So a retiree can share with their church, they can share with other people in their city. And there's, there's ways in just spreading the message. They can get an incredible amount done.

But in addition to that, we need people that can then mentor students. Now this could be mentoring high school students. It could be mentoring college students. It can be done personally with people that, you know, face to face. It can be done on zoom. We've got a whole - we'll share with you like a website where you can plug in and learn how to do this. We'll train any retirees who wanna do it.

It's a very fulfilling thing to see your church go from struggling and how these parents kind of losing their kids to really thriving and getting personally connected with kids, not only in their faith formation, but how about their careers? You know, what is it like to help a student find the right career? You know, you've invested in a career. Now you'll be saying as a retiree that you've loved, you've enjoyed and you have some real wisdom to pass on and how you can serve Christ in that career and, and do it fruitfully and, and with a lot of joy.

So what if we take all these people with experience and they can, they can connect with these students? And even parents, you know? And share with 'em how to do this.

Jim: John, I love what you're sharing. So not only do you have a need for retirees to help with word of mouth, but you really have a desire for retirees to get involved with your ministry, that's every student sent.org, Bruce, any final questions before we go?

Bruce: No, just an observation that one of the roles that retirement reformation plays is to be able to discover ministries like yours, where virtually any senior, any adult can step in and play a role that's vital, where they can find meaning and purpose for themselves while they're bringing Jesus Christ to the next generation and finding meaning and purpose there, John you know, I'm glad that you're retired and never change that definition.

And and we look forward because at the Retirement Reformation, we say that we are called to be faithful for a lifetime and you model that. We look forward to partnering with you and spreading the word about what God has called you to do. And hopefully bringing more to the ministry.

John Decker: There's an easy way to get plugged in. You can go to everystudentsent.org. You can log in as a parent, and then you'll be able to, whether you are a parent or not, you'll be able to find a block there under the engage menu for ambassadors and volunteering and you'll be able to find, and maybe in the show notes, you'll have something too where they plug in and learn just how they can volunteer. They can even in touch with me. I'd be glad to talk with anyone.

Jim: Yeah. The show notes will definitely direct them to everystudentsent.org. John Decker. Thank you so much for being on iRetire4Him today.

John Decker: Thank you.

Jim: We'll be right back with more in our third segment as we talk about decisions and things that you need to decide about ahead of time, questions you need to ask during your retirement. You're listening to iRetire4Him, hang on.

Break: Every iRetire4Him show goes so quickly. We don't often get to remind you that there are two resources you should be checking out right now. I recommend that you get a copy of the Retirement Reformation book and the iRetire4Him book. Retirement Reformation focuses on the mindset and behavioral changes needed, let's just say paradigm shifting that is needed, to live out your faith in retirement. iRetire4Him Is focused on many of the ways you could put your faith into action by investing your life into others in your retirement years. Get both at the Retirement Reformation website in the bookstore: RetirementReformation.org. That's retirement reformation .org.

Jim: Hey, welcome back to iRetire4Him, the mouthpiece for the Retirement Reformation, Bruce and I are talking today about the six questions you need, the six choice questions you need to make. You need to answer before you get into retirement. The first one was, how are you gonna relate to your spouse or partner? What are you going to do? And where are you going to do it? But Bruce, these are questions that are just the beginning of the choices we need to make. What's the next thing to decide?

Bruce: Well, the next one is, is to answer the question of who are you going to do it with? What is your community going to look like?

For example, you live in a community now. Typically you may have a church community and so on in those decisions that you make. You can either disrupt and, and set those all aside and find a new one with all of its issues, or you can have other ways to deal with the directions of your life, the geographical directions of your life.

While you maintain a home office in your community, remember two things. Number one, wherever you go, you come along. You don't leave yourself behind. You don't leave your attitude. You don't leave your habits. You don't leave any of that behind. You take it with you. And so, so many people think, well, I'm gonna have a new start, so we're gonna move someplace else for a new start.

That new start has issues along with it. One of 'em is you and the other one is your spouse. The third one is your relationships. And so who are you going to do it with? And what will your community look like? So one of the, the interesting things that we're learning these days, Jim, is that people are choosing places to move to who are compatible with their religious leanings and their political leaning, and much less to do with weather and other things.

So those are cultural issues. So how important are those cultural issues to you? And if you have a culture that you really like where you are, man, don't go someplace else cause it's not gonna work out for you. So all those questions about who are you going to do it with and what will your community look like are critical questions.

Jim: Hmm. Community, and community can means so many things. You know, and most of us can't handle having more than one or two or three really close friends. But to choose where you're gonna be with those friends. You know, you don't need, I'm gonna say this again. I'm beating a drum, cuz I've lived in Florida for 20 some years.

You don't need to move to Florida to retire. It's nice to visit, but don't give up on all the lifelong relationships you have, right where you're at. All right. Some activities are free, Bruce. They don't cost anything and some are not, how do we make sure we spend our time, how we spend our time doesn't blow our budget?

Bruce: So the really next question is whatever those preliminary decisions or directions or, or the, the journey that you think you're going to take, the question then becomes how you're gonna finance it. And are you doing something that is going to be more expensive or less expensive that will require more assets or less assets?

And there's things such as taxes, cost of living, cost of travel from where you're going to versus where you are this point in time. And so how are you gonna finance? It is really critical in the, in a prior segment we talked about, are you gonna have enough? This is an even more basic question, just simply, how are you going to finance it?

What I've learned is that the financial decisions that you have to make during retirement Are typically much more complex than the ones that you did before you were retired and we can spend a whole session sometime talking about why that's true.

Jim: And, and don't plan on financing it with the interest you're making on your CD at your local bank. I mean, this is something that you, you need to know how that's really gonna play out. Bruce. It seems like after we've asked all of these questions about choices and about how we're gonna spend our time, there's only one question left to ask. What is it?

Bruce: Last question. And it could be the first question, but I, I think if you ask it in this sequence as the last question of these is what is most important to you?

Because as you've gone down the rapid trails or the key journeys or the key understandings of the prior questions, now you have a, a backdrop against which to sit back and you and your spouse can say: which of these decisions that we're making are really the most important to us? And if we, if we had to do any adjusting, where would we adjust?

Which one would we decide eh, I know that we'd really like to do that, but for these reasons, it really wouldn't be wise? So to ask that final question, what is most important to you? And if it doesn't come out with something to do with God's plan for your life and your relationship with him and your relationship with those, if it doesn't have something to do with relationships, then in fact, it's a good time, perhaps revisit some of those earlier choices.

Jim: Those earlier questions - that's what we said in the first show in this series on the questions we need to ask in prepping for retirement is that a lot of these questions need to be revisited. It's not just a one and done. It's a one and redo because life changes. We, you know, things come at us differently.

We need to be able to be adjusting. Bruce, it's a phenomenal conversation. And you know, when, when you look, let's just get personal here as we close out the show today. You and Judy are in your eighties now, you know. You've been in retirement age for 16 plus years. How many of these questions did you ask yourselves and today you look back and you say, boy, I'm glad we asked that question ahead of time?

Bruce: Yeah. I, I would say about half of them and that I wish I'd had the wisdom in earlier years to be able to ask the rest of them because they then then evolved. For example, the question of, of who are you going to do it with?

So for example, when we look at those critical issues, how is our relationship with Brent going to be during retirement? Critical issue. We're going to be retired with him in one form or another. What is that going to look like? What about with our, with our other children? What about with, with lifelong friends?

What is that going to look like? And I, I think so often in, in our case that we focused on what are we going to do to the detriment of who are we going to do it with. And that if we had asked that question and examined it more intently, some of the other answers would've taken a different shape. Certainly would've changed some of our priorities.

And so that relationship question - with God, with our family, with those who we're called to serve, those who we're called to serve with is the question. And I believe that was the question that ended up with the answer of Solomon in Ecclesiastes. That our relationship with God is, is number one, then we fit in our relationships with others that go along with that, and then we figure out what it is that we're gonna do.

Jim: Hmm. Because you don't take it with you. The only thing you take with you is your relationship with your heavenly father and the relationships with others that will join you in heaven. That was what Solomon came up to. I love that last line of Ecclesiastes, he's so depressing. And here's the conclusion of the teacher: everything is meaningless except the pursuit of God.

Bruce Bruinsma, great conversation on the choices, the questions about the choices we need to make in prepping for retirement. Fun conversation today. Thank you, Bruce.

Bruce: Good to have the conversation.

Jim: You've been listening to iRetire4Him, the mouthpiece of the Retirement Reformation with your host, Jim Brangenberg, of course, the founder of the Retirement Reformation, Bruce Bruinsma. We're Christ followers journeying from just our everyday idea of retirement to the idea of a reformed retirement. In fact, a Retirement Reformation. So we can ultimately say together, iRetire4Him.

Outro: Thanks for listening to, iRetire4Him with your host, Jim and Martha Brangenberg and Retirement Reformation, founder, Bruce Bruinsma. iRetire4Him is the mouthpiece of the Retirement Reformation.

Most Christians tend to follow the world's pattern of rest and self pampering during retirement. However, in your retirement, you can be focused on God's unique call to love, serve and help others. This can be your best season of life if you take advantage of a life's worth of knowledge and experience and combine it with a greater freedom of time and money.

And invested all in the generations, both preceding and following you. The Retirement Reformation is encouraging Christians to find and follow God's call in all seasons and aspects of life, especially in retirement. Take time to sign the manifesto at retirementreformation.org. And explore the wealth of resources available on our site.

Join this movement of God and journey from retirement to reformation. So you can say, iRetire4Him. Go to retirementreformation.org.