Jim Brangenberg: You're either retired or thinking about retiring. Why? Because everybody does. We all believe that the American dream of retirement is exactly the most biblical way to look at retirement. But God's got something different for you. He's got a purpose for you. It's a transition to move from working to retiring, but God's got purpose for you in that transition.

Wouldn't you like to serve alongside God every day? You've tuned in to iRetire4Him, the voice and resource of the Retirement Reformation online at retirementreformation. org. And on Facebook, just type in Retirement Reformation. Bruce Bruinsma here today, the founder of the Retirement Reformation, and I'm your host, Jim Brangenberg.

Transitions are happening all the time. We transition from the womb to living, from preschool to elementary to middle school to high school, from living at home to moving out, to getting married and having kids. We transition from one job to another, from one career to another, and finally we transition from working every day to retirement.

But once we retire, are we done with transitions? I guess we better stay tuned in to find out. We finish up our three part series today on transitions. Our final focus on the transitions will be a conversation on the transitions we face because our adult children go through transitions. Bruce, you and Judy have two kids, two grandsons.

Have your kids' transitions impacted you and Judy?

Bruce Bruinsma: They cannot help but impact us. Number one, you love and you're concerned about them. And so when you see them going through transitions you got to really work hard to keep your mouth shut and your prayer going. It's absolutely critical.

And then to watch them as they go through and make wise decisions and sometimes not so wise decisions but learn from those. And then you see how those get then connected to the grandchildren and the complexities of our world today, particularly here in North America are adding to the transition, transitional challenges that we are all facing in relation to our kids. And then to our grandkids and in some cases to our great grandchildren.

And so this 30 years that we call retirement, the changes that happen outside of our control and yet have an impact on us are really important to understand. Let me just say, Jim, that in this whole 30 year period of time, this whole 30 year journey that we call retirement, when we know what's coming, or when we see something that we have some knowledge about or can understand, we can deal with it better than if it comes at us as a total surprise.

One of the things that we're seeing is total surprises in many families is now the number of grandparents that are having to care for their grandchildren, that the kids are going through an issue of their lives. And I know you've got a granddaughter that's parked in your house. So how's that working out?

Jim Brangenberg: She's eating my food too! My son has had several strokes in the last 13 weeks and has this daughter, the adopted daughter, was really struggling with having five kids in a household and needed a place to just get some respite, to get her mind on straight. And so we offered up okay, my daughter offered up next door when school was out. Then she needed to be in Grandma and Grandpa's place. It's a lot! Because she wakes up at 6. 26 every day. And then she goes to bed at 7. 30. When we're still working usually. And so that whole transition, and she eats funny, like she eats healthy. Because she's no gluten. Because these kids are no gluten, and no diet, and no sugar.

Because that's what this next generation's all about. And it's a lot! When you have a five year old running around, when you haven't had a five year old run around your house, I figured it out. It was 28 years ago I had a five year old. Around my house, but I wouldn't trade it for anything because I want her to thrive, and I'm willing to give up my comfort and frankly, I had a pattern. I like to stay up to 11 o'clock and read books and get up and sleep until seven o'clock in the morning and my life's different, but it's still worth it.

Bruce Bruinsma: Transition is composed of two things. Number one, change. And number two, the decisions about change. And so as we take those two elements, when we are faced with issues that we haven't faced before, circumstances that we haven't even, didn't even know that they existed.

I spent some time with my two grandsons last week that are both at the Air Force Academy and they're both going through their, or the younger one is now going through his major field training. Oh my gosh, what they're putting those kids through. For me to be understanding, compassionate, perhaps, but encouraging in those circumstances is really hard. And I know some of the things that I was talking with my younger grandson and I was watching my daughter. Out of the corner of her eye and she's going, dad, what in the world are you telling him? And so you've got cultural issues, you've got timing issues, you've got age issues, you've got experience issues, you've got all of those things.

And so when we say that retirement may be the most complex time of your life, the subject that we're talking about now definitely adds to that complexity.

Jim Brangenberg: And when you see stupid or maybe things you just don't agree with, and your kids are in the same room as your grandkids, and you want to help your grandkids learn from your wisdom, but you don't feel the freedom to share... that creates a little bit of awkwardness sometimes. It's nothing I hate worse than dad, I don't really think you should have shared that. It just came out because I'm a grandparent. I've been a grandparent a long time. So Bruce, should we be sheltering ourselves from our kids drama or is it okay to be involved in it? Or do we have a choice?

Bruce Bruinsma: I think we have a choice. I think the choice that is the healthiest choice is to be led by the power of the Holy Spirit and the fruits of the Spirit and be actively engaged in the life of our adult children and our children. When I say engage, I don't mean criticizing them. I don't mean telling them what to do because if you do either one of those things, you're really stupid and it's not going to work out well. But learning how to be the person that they can trust is I believe the heart of the issue.

And so what do I need to look like, act, talk, think, reflect, and so on in order to be that person that our kids can trust and then our grandchildren can trust? And if our grandchildren can't trust their parents, which is, unfortunately, in so many cases, they are really confused. And so for the grandchildren then to realize there is someone in their life that they can trust who loves them unequivocally and who loves them totally and reflects the love that God has for all of us.

Jim Brangenberg: It's like learning how to be an adult all over again.

Bruce Bruinsma: That is well said. Absolutely. That is a really good perspective.

Jim Brangenberg: We're talking about transitions today and how our kids' transitions impact us in retirement. You're listening to iRetire4Him. When we come back, we're talking with Mike Henry from Follower of One about transitioning your mindset into that of one of a mission field, whether you're still working or whether you're sitting in a homeowner's association in Florida or Arizona. You've got a mission field for you. We'll be right back with more on iRetire4Him. .

 

 

Jim Brangenberg: Hey, welcome back to iRetire4Him. As we do with every show, in the second segment of the show, we invite somebody on to share their story of how they're living out their faith in their retirement years or somebody that really loves to interact and get retirees involved in their ministry.

Our guest today has both. He's got a ministry called Follower of One, online at Follower of One dot o r g. He would love to have you volunteer with his organization, but he'd also like you to participate in what he's doing at Follower of One with marketplace missions trips. Mike Henry. Welcome to iRetire4Him.

Mike Henry: Thanks for having me. It's great to be here.

Jim Brangenberg: Mike, you could be retired sitting out back sipping a lemonade at your pool, hanging out with the grandkids and just being chill, but you're not. Why not?

Mike Henry: Just not that guy, first of all. But I just, I felt like God wanted me to do something with my faith in the workplace. And I spent a lot of years trying to figure out how to do that. And he's given me the opportunity to do that now that I have some flexibility.

Jim Brangenberg: Flexibility meaning now you don't get paid, but you have all kinds of time to do stuff.

Mike Henry: I'm partially paid. I'm not too sure I could just sit around and do nothing for the next 25 years. We have some health risks in our family and things like that. And so we're trying to keep some income coming in, but it's not what I used to make.

Jim Brangenberg: So when you were contemplating, you and Vicki contemplating, okay, what are we gonna do in retirement? You started Follower of One. When we first met back in 2016, you were contemplating this whole idea, but at the same time, Vicki has a mom who lives in Tennessee, and Vicki's involved in caregiving. So you're running a nonprofit ministry and your wife is traveling back and forth to Tennessee caregiving with her mom. How do you guys balance all those transitions?

Mike Henry: It's somewhat of a juggling match sometimes. Her mom actually lived alone for a long time and did really well. But for the last year or so, year and a half, she's been needing more and more help, which just happens. And so I'm fortunate that Vicki's been able to go back and help her and help out. Her sister lives a little closer, lives quite a bit closer than we do, and so her sister does most of the primary caregiving, but Vicki goes back to help out.

Jim Brangenberg: So talk about this transition God's got you in, running a non profit for the very first time in your life during your retirement years. What's God got you doing?

Mike Henry: So I started an online community for marketplace Christians. I was trying to create a way where we could connect with one another by occupation or by industry, because it's not the same. It's not the same to be a Christian truck driver as it is to be a Christian lawyer or to be a Christian computer programer.

Jim Brangenberg: Actually, I think the trucker and the lawyer, that's pretty close, actually, if you really think about it. Maybe not the construction work, but the Christian lawyer and the truck driver, that's pretty similar.

 (laughter)

Mike Henry: I knew when I brought up lawyers that you were going to make a joke, but just trying to create a way where we could connect with people who shared our passion. What I found in the local church is that many people that I attend church with, they're pretty content doing what they want to do. And so I was trying to connect with people who are looking to integrate more of their faith into their everyday life. And those people I thought were easier to find online, just using Google searches and creating a blog post about the topics that we were talking about.

That's how I connected with people. I found out about our Faith at Work Summit in 2016, attended that, that's where you and I first met. And that's when I realized nobody was doing what I was thinking about or trying to do. And so I decided to form a 501c3 nonprofit organization. And three weeks after we got approved as a non profit organization, the music stopped at my former employer where I was a vice president and there was no chair for me And so I started working on this.

Jim Brangenberg: I don't think i've ever heard you talking about that. You were playing musical chairs and all of a sudden there was no chair for you.

 (laughter)

Jim Brangenberg: All right, so but here's the deal. You once said to me the reason you formed Follower of One Is that people spend a whole year getting ready to go on a short term missions trip and a lot of people listening in their retirement years, that's something they want to do. They want to spend some time on short term trips because they have the flexibility to do that now, maybe even a little bit of money. But people spend a whole year getting ready for a couple of weeks to go minister to some people that they may never see again, but very rarely if ever do people spend any time preparing for their workplace mission field, or even their neighborhood mission field, which is where retirees find themselves. How can Follower of One help prepare us to be ready for the mission field God throws us into?

Mike Henry: Well, mostly because I was in the workplace when I became a Christian. I felt the struggle that the church always had some event going on that I had to leave work to take part in, and I kept wanting to do something with my faith in my every day. I came up with five habits that I believe anybody can do every day in any job that help us be on mission with Jesus. And I wanted to practice those. And so we came up with this idea of the marketplace mission trip, because it seemed like we go to a lot of trouble to go see people that we don't know and be intentional about living our faith. What if we were intentional about living our faith around the very people that we're with every day?

Bruce Bruinsma: And so what does that look like? Those five habits? And what is the training regimen that you developed?

Mike Henry: Certainly. So the five habits are pray, appreciate others, know what you believe, serve others, and speak for yourself. And the ones that people tend to ask me about, know what you believe, is about being able to have a prepared two sentence, one or two sentence explanation to the question, why are you doing this?

Our goal is to live in such a way to where the people that work with us or the people in our neighborhood go, why are you doing this? And then we can say, speak for yourself, which is the fifth bullet is that we bring Jesus into the conversation, but we only use I and me statements. We're telling them about how Jesus changed our life, not telling other people what they have to do to get to heaven or how they have to live. Be careful to answer the question that you're asked.

And praying, appreciating others, and serving others are pretty clear cut. And we can look for ways to do those in the context of our job or our retirement or whatever we're doing. And so that's how that works. And what we created was 10 little short devotionals with little videos that are designed to help us practice each of those five things.

The first week we practice one a day. So those are 10. The first five devotionals are the first week. And then the second week we practice the, we have five devotionals to put those actions into practice. And what we call a marketplace mission trip is we do that together with other people and each night on the second week, we have zoom calls and we have debriefs just like we would if we were overseas in some, building some house somewhere. And we would have a debrief call where we pray for one another and talk about what happened today and try to be intentional again tomorrow about using our practices and our faith.

Bruce Bruinsma: You know, our God has two characteristics that have always been encouraging to me. Number one, he's a God of growth. Secondly, he's a God of systematic, reactions and systematic processes that go. And we often just are run around with our emotions and to be able to be in this kind of a setting and to be able to be debriefed, that's really an encouragement to me. So I love what it is that you're doing. And is there, so is your ministry at a process? What are the key things that you need that you can see that, that God will provide that will expand the growth of the ministry other than the conversation we're having today?

Jim Brangenberg: Yeah. And involve the retirees that are listening.

Mike Henry: Yeah, certainly. So what we challenge people to do is to take the marketplace mission trip. We actually don't charge for it. We invite people to pay it forward after they've done it because it's harder to explain than it is to experience. And we've done 43 of these mission trips to date with over 1000 people. We have learned that it's harder than people think it is. It seems like it's only five minutes a day and a 30 minute zoom call in the second week in the evenings, but it's hard for us to change our actions.

And so we're looking for people that want to be intentional about helping the next generations invite their friends. We've become so complacent. We go to church, we check our box, and we can't get off of our, we don't get out of our normal routine. Just asking people to intentionally pray for their co workers every day becomes this almost insurmountable challenge because we're in such a groove, and I think we've got a long battle to fight to get our friends to realize that if they put a little money and a little energy into this habit over time, it will transform their life.

Jim Brangenberg: So if you wanna find out more about Follower of One, go online to Follower of One.org. Mike Henry and his team have an incredible website. We'll describe it, but I would encourage all of you that are just trying to seek out, Lord, what do you have for me in retirement? Go to Follower of One. Go on one of these missions trips because it's for you. It will help you to determine what God has for you next. Follower of One. org . Mike Henry, thanks for being with us today.

Mike Henry: Thanks for having me.

Jim Brangenberg: We'll be right back with more on iRetire4Him.

 

 

 

 

Jim Brangenberg: And welcome back to iRetire4Him as we've been talking about transitions that kind of get thrust on us because of transitions that happen in our kids lives. We had a great little break there with Mike Henry from Follower of One. Hope you enjoyed that time.

Bruce, since you've been married for 60 plus years and martha and I have been married for almost 40, it's hard to conceive that divorce can impact us, but when our kids divorce impacts us, that transition can be brutal, can't it? I know you've had friends, I've had friends, who in their late seventies and eighties have actually gone through a divorce, but when our kids go to divorce, it's brutal because you're on, you're sucked into the middle of the mire.

Bruce Bruinsma: There's pain, all different levels of that. And the it typically, perhaps it has a monetary, but certainly a geographical element to it that is important to be aware of. So often that grandparents or parents move to where their kids are and then their kids either get divorced or they move again.

And so you go how is all this going to work? You left your friends. You've taken yourself with you. You arrive in the circumstance that you thought you were going to be able to impact. You find out that you can't. And that, in fact, they don't want you anywhere near and then they disappear because they're divorced.

They are divorcing and they disappear. You see the impact on the grandkids and you want to jump in the middle of that and see if there's some way that you can help and, sometimes you can, but usually you can't. And so it's the enduring of pain and finding the way to be a model in the midst of that morass is just really a challenge. And if it wasn't for the model of God's love, it would just be absolutely impossible. Now it's just really hard.

Jim Brangenberg: And it's tough. Divorce, most of the time is avoidable, but sometimes it's not. But every time it's brutal. And it creates such collateral damage. And when you get caught up in that collateral damage because of issues that your kids are having in their marriage, whew, boy, I haven't gone through that, but boy, I've had some friends just absolutely, it just sends people sideways.

But this moving thing. So if I had my mom and dad on, they'd be throwing me under the bus here again. So I'll just throw myself under the bus. Anyway, in 1994, my parents came back from Chicago and built a house near us in the South Metro of Minneapolis. And it was great having them close by. They were still very active. They were in the active phase of retirement and actually they were pre retired and then we had gotten in over our heads financially. And so we decided to sell our house and we moved to a small town in Western Minnesota.

And so my parents sold their house and decided to build a house near us in Western Minnesota. And then that business deal collapsed and all of a sudden I found myself out of a job and having sold my business and we needed to move. And we moved to Florida. And my parents said enough, we're not following our kids anymore. We're out. We're going to Tucson, Arizona. And for the next 20 years, I spent time going from Florida to Arizona, which by the way, if any of you have driven that, it's a long ways, even flying's not easy.

And I tried to convince my parents, move near us, and they're like, yeah, that didn't work, because every time we move near you, you just move away, and I'm like, I promise I won't move. But they never moved to Florida. But we moved to Missouri a couple years ago, and they said, hey, we'd like to be in your backyard again, because it's time we could use some extra help.

That moving away thing, when your kids move away, it impacted my parents, so now my parents are near us, and one of their grandkids, but they're still far away from my brother and far away from my sister. That moving away, when your kids move away, you got Brent in California, you got Beth nearby. When the kids move away, it impacts you, doesn't it?

Bruce Bruinsma: Oh, it totally does. We each have our own level of expectations and when those expectations are not only met, but they're either destroyed or just totally ignored, the emotional challenge that puts on the relationship between, in my case, it would be between Judy and myself, the relationship between a husband and wife.

And if as seniors, we've gotten divorced, now you add one more complexity to all of that. And it's just, God's got to be up there just shaking his head going, man, you guys make it really hard. And so let me give you some insights. The insight is really from his being with us and us being with him through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Matter of fact, I'd like to really recommend the latest book that he prompted me to write, and it's called, Living the Fruitful Life because in John 15: 16, Jesus says what? He says, you did not choose me, but I chose you and I have prepared you to bear much fruit that will last. So what does that fruit really look like? And what does it look like within the complexity of these transitions that we're talking about? The complexity of the transitions when our adult children are either being overbearing, or totally absent, or totally confused. How do we navigate our way through that?

And as Christians, we have an answer to that. And it is through the active role of the Holy Spirit in our lives and being able to be guided by the Holy Spirit into what is an appropriate reaction, next step, what is it that I'm to say, and so on. And so if we're not connected in that way to the Holy Spirit, these transitional questions that we've talked about in our time today and the last couple of podcasts become, I really believe almost impossible.

Jim Brangenberg: At times I think the pain would be unbearable. And one of the transitions we didn't talk about is what happens when one of our kids dies before us? I've had seven friends die since Thanksgiving last year, all of them about my age or younger, all of them with parents still alive. That's something as parents, we don't even conceive to be possible yet.

All of a sudden that thrusts you in a whole different place because whoever's left behind needs extra help, and it puts you in a role that you never expected. And Bruce, these transitions, there's no other way to get through them but to be on your knees and sometimes that hurts too cause being on your knees when you get older, it hurts.

Bruce, I think the words that you shared are so powerful because our Heavenly Father wants to walk through us with these transitions. And it's, some of them are just going to be rough. They're not, there's nobody written a book about it. There's just, maybe there's a blog out there, but there's just, some of them are just really difficult, aren't they?

Bruce Bruinsma: They are really hard, and to acknowledge the fact that each one of these transitions has within it two unique opportunities. One is to be a model and the other is to learn. And so both of those things are happening and do happen simultaneously. So being aware of that and walking with God through that, through the power of the Holy Spirit, allows us to be able to grow spiritually, as well as relationally, as well as emotionally.

Jim Brangenberg: This ends our conversation on transitions over the last three podcasts we've been talking about, but it doesn't end the transitions in your life or our lives. And the biggest key is in all of that to keep your dependence on God. And Bruce said in our last podcast, check out Ecclesiastes, the entire book. Because nothing will bring you meaning except for that relationship with God. And our faith can grow in our retirement years. Absolutely a great time to do that.

And when you go through these tough times, God uses adversity in our lives to take us from who we are to who He can use more effectively. Bruce, thanks for bringing this topic of conversation to us. Thanks for bringing the Retirement Reformation to the forefront so people can know, Hey, I can find purpose in my retirement years. Thank you, Bruce.

Bruce Bruinsma: That's what God calls us to do and I'm so glad that we're doing it together. Thanks, Jim.

Jim Brangenberg: You've been listening to iRetire4Him, the Voice and Resource of the Retirement Reformation with your host, Jim Brangenberg and of course Retirement Reformation' s very own founder, Bruce Bruinsma. Check us out online at RetirementReformation.org. We're Christ followers journeying from retirement to reformation, so we ultimately can say, iRetire4Him!